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IELTS Academic — Writing Task 2

Some people believe that dangerous sports such as boxing and rock climbing should be banned. Others think individuals should be free to take those risks. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

5.5 Band

↑ 6.5 once fixed

Modest User

TR5.0

Both views are mentioned but neither is developed with a concrete example, and the answer is well under the 250-word minimum.

CC5.5

Paragraphing is logical, but linking is limited to 'Firstly / And also' and the conclusion raises a brand-new idea.

LR5.5

Topic words repeat ('people', 'money', 'dangerous') and collocations break down under pressure ('spend many money').

GRA5.0

Errors in agreement, articles and passive voice appear in almost every sentence and sometimes block meaning.

⚠ 164 words — 86 under the 250-word minimum, an automatic Task Response penalty⏱ 38:12 of 40:00 used✎ 20 line-level corrections + 4 paragraph notes

Introduction

Nowadays, many peoples think¹ that the government should be banned² dangerous sports such as boxing and rock climbing. However, other peoples³ believe that everyone has right⁴ to choose their own hobby. In my opinion, I think⁵ both of views have some reason⁶, but I agree with the second one more.

Task Response — paragraph note

The prompt is copied almost word-for-word instead of paraphrased, and the position ('I agree with the second one more') is vague. Examiners want the essay map here.

Body 1 — the case for banning

Firstly, dangerous sports is⁷ very risky for people health⁸. Every years⁹, a lot of person die¹⁰ because they do bungee jumping or car racing. And also¹¹ the government must spend many money for rescue them¹², this money can be use for hospital and school¹³. For example, in my country the rescue team cost is very expensive¹⁴.

Coherence & Cohesion — paragraph note

Three separate ideas (injury, cost, hospitals) are packed into one paragraph with no topic sentence, so the reader has to work out what the paragraph is arguing.

Body 2 — the case for freedom

On the other hand, I believe that freedom is more important. If people knows¹⁵ the risk and they still want to do it, nobody can stop them. Goverment¹⁶ should give more safety training and rule¹⁷ instead of ban¹⁸ everything.

Task Response — paragraph note

This side gets three sentences against the other side's five. Balanced treatment of both views is what Task Response is scored on in a 'discuss both views' question.

Conclusion

In conclusion, dangerous sports have risk but banning is not good solution¹⁹, so I think education is better way²⁰.

Coherence & Cohesion — paragraph note

'Education' appears for the first time in the final line. A conclusion may only re-state what the body already argued — new content here costs you in Coherence & Cohesion.

Examiner notes

click any underline →

1 Irregular plural Grammar

many peoples think→many people think

'People' is already the plural of 'person'. 'Peoples' only means separate ethnic groups or nations, which is not your meaning here.

Also accepteda large proportion of the public believes, many members of the public think

2 Passive voice misuse Grammar

should be banned→should ban

The government is the one doing the banning, so the verb must be active. As written, the sentence says the government itself is being banned.

Also accepteddangerous sports should be banned (passive, agent dropped)

3 Repetition Vocabulary

other peoples→others

'People' appears three times in two sentences. Substitution is a Band 7 cohesion feature and avoids the repetition penalty in Lexical Resource.

Also acceptedothers argue, a second group maintains

4 Missing article Grammar

has right→has the right

'Right' is a countable noun here and needs an article. Missing articles are the most common error at Band 5-6 and are counted every time.

Also acceptedis entitled to

5 Redundancy Vocabulary

In my opinion, I think→In my view,

'In my opinion' and 'I think' say exactly the same thing. Doubling them reads as padding, and padding is visible to an examiner immediately.

Also acceptedI would argue that, To my mind,

6 Quantifier + countability Grammar

both of views have some reason→both views have merit

'Both of' needs a determiner ('both of these views'), and 'have some reason' is not an English collocation — 'have merit' or 'are valid' is what you want.

Also acceptedthere is merit in both positions

7 Subject-verb agreement Grammar

dangerous sports is→dangerous sports are

'Sports' is plural, so it takes 'are'. An agreement error in the first sentence of a body paragraph is heavily weighted — that is where the examiner calibrates you.

Also acceptedsuch sports carry a high risk

8 Possessive form Grammar

people health→people's health

One noun modifying another needs the possessive 's here. Without it the phrase reads as two stacked nouns and the meaning blurs.

Also acceptedposes a risk to public health

9 Time expression Grammar

Every years→Every year

'Every' is always followed by a singular noun. Compare 'every year' with 'all years'.

Also acceptedAnnually, Each year,

10 Countability + register Vocabulary

a lot of person die→a significant number of people die

'A lot of' is spoken register, and 'person' must be plural after it. Academic Task 2 rewards precise quantifiers over vague ones.

Also accepteda considerable number of participants are killed

11 Linking device Cohesion

And also→Moreover,

Starting a sentence with 'And also' is informal and doubles two additive linkers. Your essay uses only 'Firstly' and 'And also', and that narrow range caps Coherence & Cohesion at 5.

Also acceptedFurthermore, In addition, A second consideration is that

12 Collocation Vocabulary

spend many money for rescue them→spend a great deal of money rescuing them

'Money' is uncountable, so 'many' is impossible — and 'spend money on doing' takes a gerund, never 'for' plus an infinitive.

Also acceptedallocate substantial public funds to rescue operations

13 Comma splice + verb form Grammar

this money can be use for hospital and school→money that could be spent on hospitals and schools instead

Two complete sentences joined by a comma is a punctuation error, the passive needs the past participle 'used', and both nouns should be plural.

Also acceptedfunds which might otherwise support healthcare and education

14 Unsupported example Task Response

in my country the rescue team cost is very expensive→in Switzerland, mountain-rescue helicopter callouts average roughly €3,500 per incident

'For example' promises evidence, then delivers a vague claim. One named place plus one figure is the cheapest way to move Task Response from 5 to 6.

Also acceptedName a country, a body, or a number — plausible invented detail is accepted in IELTS

15 Subject-verb agreement Grammar

people knows→people know

'People' is plural, so the verb takes no -s. Note that 'risks' is normally plural in this collocation too.

Also acceptedprovided that participants understand the risks

16 Spelling + article Spelling

Goverment→The government

'Government' has an 'n' before the 'm', and it is a specific institution here, so it needs 'the'. Misspelling a key topic word is costly because it repeats.

Also acceptedThe authorities

17 Word form + plural Vocabulary

rule→clear regulations

'Rule' must be plural here, and 'regulations' is the register the topic calls for. Precision in topic vocabulary is exactly what Lexical Resource measures.

Also acceptedmandatory safety standards, licensing requirements

18 Gerund after preposition Grammar

instead of ban→instead of banning

Every preposition is followed by a gerund, never a bare infinitive: 'instead of banning', 'without warning', 'before starting'.

Also acceptedrather than imposing a blanket prohibition

19 Missing article Grammar

not good solution→not an effective solution

Singular countable nouns need an article every time. 'Effective' is also more precise than 'good', which an examiner reads as low-level vocabulary.

Also acceptedunlikely to prove effective

20 New idea in conclusion Cohesion

education is better way→regulation and safety training, as argued above, are the better route

'Education' was never mentioned in the body. A conclusion may only summarise what you already argued — and 'a better way' needs its article.

Also acceptedthe balance therefore favours regulation over prohibition

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